32, Graduate Student, Teacher, Food Lover
Wearing this dress on my birthday!
“Be the kind of woman who, when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil says “Oh, no! She’s up.” ~ Joanne Clancy
I have always fluctuated with my weight which has led to frustration. Numbers on a scale and even looking in a mirror has triggered tears. I have had many starts where I’ve been determined to get fit, and then soon fall off the bandwagon when I don’t see the progress in terms of numbers. This, in turn, leads to more negative self-talk as I criticize myself for giving up. Currently, I’m learning to be more accepting of who I am and to have a positive self-image. My journey has now become about being strong, healthy, and learning to love myself. This journey with Lita is a path for me to believe in myself, do the best I can, and persevere through the ups and downs. I am learning to be someone who explores and is true to their authentic possibilities. I still believe in the power of white wine.
Why are you on this journey
My relationship with my weight and body image started very young. I was never always one body type and even as a child, I would fluctuate from being slim to being chubby. When I was a teenager and in university, I would have drastic drops because I would eat once per day. Even though I knew that meal was definitely not the most nutritious, I would feel good being smaller. However, those phases wouldn’t last long for the obvious reason of it not being sustainable, and I would go back to yo-yoing up and down. Over the last few years, I took the stance of not caring. When I say not caring, I mean that I really did care but I wouldn’t show it. I ate whatever I wanted and then felt internally guilty. I stopped putting effort into getting dressed but then would hate looking in the mirror. I worked out without putting my all into it, and even when there was progress I would sabotage myself and be angry about it. Towards the end of last year and the beginning of 2016, I have been trying to pick up the pieces and get things together in all aspects of my life. I realized that I actually need to find out who I am and what I stand for, and this frustration with my weight is a factor of me not knowing me. Does that makes sense? It does in my head, but not sure it came out in words! Still figuring it out! I do know that I feel positive when I’ve been at Bootcamp or at Boxing with the other women and Lita. Therefore, that is going to be one of the first steps that I take – making classes with this group of women a regular part of my life. I don’t know what the next few months have in store. I know this is going to be a mental and emotional journey as much as it’s going to be a physical one. I’m sure there are going to be successes and there are going challenges that I stumble upon. But, I’m excited to begin this journey with Lita, all of these wonderful, fun-to-be-around, inspirational women, and all of you.